Infinity and Beyond

My God is Sovereign. My will He bestowed as mine alone. Both are infallibly in the WORD. What contradiction! There cannot be. Though logic may run around in circles and spheres, it is but bound by four dimensions. He chose me before the foundation of the world: He is Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent. And I chose to believe in the only begotten Son of God (by His Grace alone). There cannot be an entanglement of space and time for the One who spans infinity... and beyond.

Bishop of My Soul

In sleep, I am alone
Utterly exposed to the unknown
But for the Bishop of my soul
Who keeps me in perfect peace:
In still slumber, 'til day breaks
And His unending mercy is renewed.

Lamentations 3:22-23.

I Peter 2:25

Always the Present

I have encountered it in my readings countless times: dwell on the present. Always the present. That's where God wants me to be. To walk with Him one sweet step at a time. It took a while for me to come to terms with it. I claim not full comprehension, however this I understand: to be happy in the LORD Jesus, I must put the past behind me and move on. Be ready to obey Him moment by moment. And the future? I should be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer in supplication in thanksgiving, making my requests known before God. The future is uncertain, but one thing I can fully bank on: His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches over me -- my LORD, my Shepherd.

It all figures, but please give me the grace, LORD, to trust and obey.

Philippians 3:13-15.

Economics Is... Yeah, Right!

Economics is a pervasive worldview. It presents the world, as we know it, as the outcome of the interactions among self-interested agents, whose guiding principle for choice and action is the pursuit of the maximum gain to themselves. This motive for gain is only held in check by a web of incentives and of both internal and external constraints, the foremost of which are bounded rationality and scarcity. This economic behavior is perceived to be omnipresent in all aspects of the individual’s existence: be it political, social, and even moral and familial. Thus, where there is human interface, economics come into play. Given this characterization of human nature, the economist’s task seems to be two-pronged: to explain the world as the outcome of non-static interactions amongst self-interested entities using slices of the economist’s perceived reality known as economic models; and to recommend alternative viable outcomes that reflect the preferences of society (efficiency vs. equity). Whereas the former is often viewed to be in the realm of theory, the latter is in the domain of economic practice.

Economic theory is, however, severely constrained by the “replicability,” testability and predictive powers of its models due to the very complexity of the variables it deals with: namely, humans and history. Unlike in the natural sciences, where the scientist can conduct controlled experiments to verify a testable hypothesis, the economist cannot invoke the magical phrase “ceteris paribus” to isolate the nature of cause and effect in attempting to understand an economic event. Further, economic interactions do not happen in a vacuum, but are rather embedded in the space-time continuum. As such, every interaction is unique and fraught with uncertainty: history never exactly repeats itself, as society evolves. Furthermore, that the economist himself cannot entirely be an impartial spectator signifies that the way he crafts his model reflects his perception of an economic event – whether it aptly reflects truth can be a matter of dispute. Because of this – and the relevance and pervasiveness of economics as a worldview – the practice of economics cannot be devoid of value of judgment: at the end of the day, the economist (either consciously or subconsciously) will have to make an uncompromising stand – oftentimes, either for efficiency or equity.

The Graduate School Bubble

Life is in a bubble when one is in graduate school. In the first year in particular, it was like the entire world was comprised of what seemed like a never-ending cycle of lectures, discussion classes, problem sets, midterms, finals and tons of algebra and first-order conditions. Days were spent taking classes, and nights in burning the midnight oil slaving away on homework or studying for the exams. Holidays took on a new meaning: they were gleefully anticipated for the extra time they afforded me to study or do homework without the added load of going to class. I had neither the luxury of time for watching TV nor listening to the radio. Whatever news I gleaned of the outside world (that’s how I usually thought of it), I usually learned from my daily half-hour conversations with my parents – one of the few indulgences I allowed myself in the first year. It was sobering to remember that it was only in church where I learned about the cataclysmic cyclone that hit Burma two weeks after it happened. My focus was so intent on meeting deadlines – both self- and exogenously imposed – that even the daily necessities of life often took on the form of tedious tasks that I had to go through in order to keep healthy. Getting sick was taboo, or so we were warned: you can’t miss a single lecture or you’re dead. As a preventive measure: vitamins, vitamins, vitamins. I took all sorts of vitamins during the first quarter – Vitamin A for eyesight, C for the immune system – and multivitamins, to cover all bases. Thank God, I was spared from getting seriously ill, with all the curtailed amount of time I had for sleeping. The only real respite I had was during Sunday mornings, when I could go to church. Also there were the few enjoyable opportunities when our class had our “Pictionary nights” – but even in these occasions, there was that persistent, nagging feeling that I should have been doing economics instead.

Living in a bubble, the atmosphere tends to become rarefied: an hour off schedule, an unforeseen, extra homework … three final exams three days in a row, and life suddenly becomes too much to bear. Needless to say, the stress level was especially turned on to high levels during exam week – I could especially tell when I started seeing handfuls of my hair decorating the bathroom floor in the morning. Moreover, as an international student, who was experiencing being away from home for the first time, I had to contend with a keen sense of homesickness, especially during the first quarter. There were times when the merest thought of home could set the tears rolling down.

Have I scared you yet? That was not my purpose. I am merely recounting these experiences to drive home the point that the decision to go to graduate school should not be an easy one. Think once, think twice, think thrice. And think again – not to mention ask the relevant people who can help you decide whether this is the life for you. As you must have gleaned by now, going to graduate school entails a lot of sacrifice: it puts your entire life on hold. If you’re an international student, you leave behind your family, friends and everything that is comfortingly familiar and dear, hoping that you’ll find everything the same when you get back. If you’re an unmarried female, the costs are even higher, as it’s a well-known lemma that female marriageability declines with academic prowess. And the first two years (at least) in graduate school is not the best time to change your civil status – or so, I heard.

Still, life in the graduate school bubble is not all that terrible. I’ve learned to take each day as God gives it. The friendships I developed with my classmates were also a comfort to me. They helped in lightening up what would have otherwise been a dark experience for me – which it literally was considering the amount of time we spent studying in the dark of the night.

Now that I’m in the second year, life is still in a bubble: the outside world still seems distant at times. But now I have more time to catch up on the news, relax with family and friends without a guilty conscience – and even go to the gym. The classes that I am taking seem to be more grounded in reality, as well… All in all, the bubble has thinned out.

Written on 19 January 2009